Remember Me, My Love.

Rachel is going through a rough time and that is why she is being distant. Not to hurt me in any way. I forgive her and understand. We have decided that once I have a steady enough income, we are going to look for a place together. I am super excited about this. I can not wait to be with her every day and every night!

I also think the proposing idea may work...and I think I want to do it around Easter. Crossing my fingers and praying that she says yes!

Goodnight, Journal.

You Better Let Somebody Love You.

Rachel is apparently avoiding me. Which is fine, do whatever, but she's making it so obvious. So I am done. She can play her games. My head has enough to deal with.

You're The New Classic.

I just got home from the hospital and apparently the verdict is that my incision started to open up. So I have to keep it dry and covered 24/7. This kind of stuff is continuously happening to me.

I asked Rachel if she'd spend today/tonight with me. First go out with my mom and I and then come home so I can give her love in every way so I have my fingers crossed that she will want to. This is the first weekend we have been apart since we met. I miss her pretty face. I miss her arms. I miss her fingers intertwined with mine. I can not wait until I have that every day and every night at some point in the future...I pray to God that this woman will be my wife at some point later in my life.

I am going to go listen to music, play a game and daydream some more of her.

Goodbye for now, Journal.

Play On.

Well, as of now I have no friends on here to read this but that is okay! I will write anyhow. My list to write on:

Rachel :)

Surgery and recovery

Seizures

Having spinal stimulator removed

Ronni

Going back to therapy

Firstly, I would like to start off with a little something about my baby, Rachel. My world, my life, my heart. The hope in my eyes. The reason I breathe. My everything and the one whom I'd give anything for. :) She is amazing and I love her so much. She is such a caring and compassionate person and I am lucky enough to be with her. I can not even begin to count my blessings. But the main reason of writing about her is because I have come to realize that I want as little space from her as possible. I'm talking living together when I am able to afford my half of living costs. I am talking I want to marry her. And I honestly would love to have a Fall 2010 wedding. But I do not know that she is on that same page, or when she will be. I just know that I will be ready and waiting when she gets here. What a fine place to be...what a sad place to be alone.

Onto my next topic...my surgery was nearly a month ago and I am still having to take pain medication constantly for the pain. The cold outside makes it excruciating, too. But something else has risen to the surface. On my incision, there has popped up what looks like yellow pus but it doesn't all leak. It looks like some is under skin and I can't get it to go away. I am not sure what to do about this...It has leaked onto various tank tops that I wear and stained them and it is getting to be ridiculous...Maybe a doctor visit is in order...

My seizures seem to be pretty under control. I do still have some but no grand mal seizures. Thank God for that!

I go the Johns Hopkins on January 25th to plan the date for my stimulator removal. They are going to try to talk me in to keeping it but why would I? I have had it turned off and my problem is Thoracic Outlet Symdrome in both arms.

I have spoken to Ronni about being a nanny for her three year old daughter. I just need to get a little money coming in and I would love to spend my day taking care of a sweet girl. Let us hope this works out...

I am going back to therapy next week if this pus issue is under control. Yay!

I am off to try to sleep or go to the ER...we will see...